5 Misconceptions about Cougar/Cub Relationships

By on April 16, 2013

There have been many myths and misconceptions which have been spread when it comes to Cougar. The idea of them is abhorrent to some people even while those same people tend to turn a blind eye to older men who date younger women. So in this first of a two part series, we’d like to debunk some of the misconceptions that far too many have about Cougars, Cubs and dating someone who is of a different age than you.

Most of the misconceptions are based on the supposition that Cougar and Cub relationships are only based on physical attraction and as you’ll notice, many of misconceptions have to do no only with age, but the appearance of the Cougar. Which, I’m sure you’ll agree ladies, is pretty insulting, right? There is a basic misunderstanding when it comes to Cougars and Cubs where their relationship is not seen as a relationship much in the way that homosexual relationships are still looked down upon in some places or the way that interracial relationships were once talked about. So, with that out of the way let’s debunk some misconceptions!


#1: A Cougar is an old woman who trolls bars to look for innocent younger men.

Cougars are independent and often very bright and beautiful women. They are women who are aware of their appearance and can take care of themselves both physically and financially. While some of them may enjoy bars, there is no need for them to chase after the younger men. The younger men come to them. The men who date Cougars are not taken advantage of in any way. Cougars are not looking for prey despite the lingo which is so commonly used and those who have never known or dated Cougars would mistake for truly predatory behaviour They are looking for an equal and as they have been unable to find it in men their own age, they look for younger men. Most Cougars are incredibly driven women and as such, need someone with a lot of energy to keep up with them.

Misconception #2: A younger man will want women his own age who have less wrinkles and/or love handles.

There are many Cougars who keep themselves very fit, but even the idea that it’s wrinkles/weight alone that will determine someone’s interest in dating another is insulting. Not all younger men like models and just as there are many types of younger girls for males to be interested in, there are just as many Cougars as well. While sexual attraction is definitely part of the Cougar and Cub relationship, there are many factors that can go into the relationship just as there would be with any other relationship. To say that this type of relationship is not only based on surface attraction, but that that’s the only thing that’s keeping either of them there is insulting to both parties.

Misconception #3: Cubs and Cougars will have nothing in common.

Despite the gap in ages, people are able to find common interests over any period of time. Someone doesn’t have to be born when the Beatles were hits to think that they’re a great band. Some Cougars might love Ke$ha or Rihanna or any of the other groups that are popular right now. To say that interests are specifically limited by ages is more than a little naïve. Especially nowadays when the internet makes almost all popular culture widely available, there is nothing to suggest that someone will be

Love mind going well and feet bottom.

limited by the age that they grew up in. Will Cougars have a different worldview due to the experiences that they’ve had compared to their Cubs? Probably! But half the fun of being in a Cougar and Cub relationship is learning to bridge those gaps while experiencing new things.

Misconception #4: An older woman will miss out on all the fun things that she could be doing with her life while a younger man struggles to establish himself and his career.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve never thought of this as something which is exclusive to age gap relationships. In fact there are many relationships between people of the same age where one partner could be restricted by the other partner. Dating an older man does not guarantee that they will be successful and established. This also implies that the Cougar is passive within the relationship which is not something which would be healthy in most relationships and is most certainly not true for most Cougar/Cub relationships. Older women are free to do their own thing while the younger man establishes himself and indeed, most of them do so. As a Cougar is independent and is a woman who has been fending for herself, there is no need for her to wait around hand and foot while her Cub is working his way up the corporate ladder. She will not be restricted in the least by her relationship unless, of course, she wants to be.

Misconception #5: Cubs will eventually cheat on Cougars with someone his own age.

This is just wrong on so many levels. Infidelity is a personal choice that a person makes and the age of who they’re dating has little to do with it. If a Cub cheats on a Cougar it has nothing to do with her age and is because he is someone who is inclined to cheat. The fact that he would cheat just to be with someone his own age again supposes that the relationship is not based on emotion, intellectual attraction, connections, but on the shallow pretext of a sexual relationship which is just based on looks. While this can be said to be true for some Cougar/Cub relationships, those are sex friend or NSA relationships and if you stray while in one of those… It’s not cheating. That’s the whole point of those relationships. If a Cub cheats, it wouldn’t be because of the age, but because of something else that is wrong with the relationship and if that something else is wrong, it wouldn’t matter whether you and your Cub were both the same age or not.

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  1. Heather Barton

    April 22, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    Very well said. I think one point should be added. Men who consider themselves Cubs to Cougars have always been attracted to older women, I have found. And not so much for the sex as much as the confidence and maturity combination that allows a Cougar to accept the Cub for who he is without the amount of drama and expectations that often goes with dating within his peer group. Since Cougars are usually independent & confident about who they are and what they want they rarely approach a relationship with a "What can you do for me" attitude that many younger women might.

  2. Rea

    January 29, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    Joke’s on you, cougars- these guys are using you for your money. Stop calling it cougar and start calling it what it is- sugar mama! 😛