Dating a Younger Man

As more mature women find themselves living without a partner – either through choice or by default, they are seeking out romantic and sexual relationships that not only meet their personal desires, but also fit into the needs of their daily lives. According to the Pew Research Centre, almost 40% of women 25 to 54 years of age in 2019 were living without a partner. And depending on their age, much of that can be attributed to the increase in divorce rates during the last few decades as well as a general decline in overall marriage rates.^[1] In recent years, dating a younger man has become a trend amongst mature women.

Path of The Cougar

So what does this trend say for the woman of the 21st century? Whether she is divorced and chooses not to remarry, or never married in the first place, one thing is certain – she no longer lives her life based on outdated mores and societal standards from the past. And with that level of personal freedom and independence comes the option of dating whomever they want – and many of them want younger men. In 2003, the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) conducted a survey of men and women between the ages of 40 and 69. At that time, a whopping 34% of women wanted to date younger men. And of those women, 56% were separated or divorced and 31% had never married.^[2] It would be really interesting to see data published on the same topic now, 20 years later.

Why Date Younger Men?

Why not? After all, chances are someone who is 5, 10 or 15 years younger than you is usually more fit, more hip and better looking than guys your own age or older. And this dating trend shouldn’t be exclusive to the Hollywood or celebrity set – think Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden, Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas – the list goes on.^[3]

According to writer Teena Orchard, dating a younger man is a smart choice for the mature woman. In her article for Your Tango, she cites the concept of “marriage squeeze” where many older women who have delayed marriage or simply chose not to marry, find same-age dating prospects to be a lot fewer at this stage of the game. So, they turn to younger men for sexual pleasure and companionship.^[4] But she also states that the benefits go well beyond just that. Here a few reasons why dating younger men makes more sense:

They have grown up in the digital age and are more astute when it comes to using smart phones and dating apps.
Their dating profiles are more interesting and they exude much more confidence in their photos and in presenting themselves to potential partners.
They’re much more fit and healthy to the point where being a ‘gym rat’ is a must component for modern dating, work and school.
They are more playful. Many of today’s younger stock of men weren’t afraid to explore sex in their youth and are eager to learn new moves to understand a woman’s sexual needs.
They have less baggage. Which means they don’t let personal issues overwhelm them and therefore, are less emotionally draining.
They love sex with older women because these women know what they want and don’t play games to get it.
They can be themselves and are truly interested in an older woman’s accomplishments and what they can learn from that experience.

Cougars and Cubs – A Two-Way Street

There’s no doubt that dating a younger man can be an exhilarating experience for the older, mature woman. And as we noted above, it can be a very smart move in today’s hot dating market. But it can also be beneficial to a woman’s emotional growth in ways even she may not realize at the time. In a piece titled ‘7 Major Benefits in Dating A Younger Man,’ writer Jen Kirsch outlines some surprising new takes on the cougar – cub relationship.^[5]

Seeing Things Through Refreshed Eyes – By dating a younger guy, women are also opening up themselves to new people, places and things – but through a different perspective- their young lover’s. And that in itself can make a woman feel younger and more exciting.
Younger Men Show More Enthusiasm – Whether it’s a social event or trying out a new restaurant experience, younger guys are usually more keen to say yes rather than wanting to stay in and watch television.
Willing to Follow Your Lead – Older, mature women are more established, at home and with work and social networks. Younger men are more open to letting women set the pace of what she likes to do and when to do it.
Up For New Moves In The Bedroom – Need we say more? Younger guys are eager – and take the time – to please a woman sexually.
Less Baggage – More often than not, younger men rarely have children, ex-wives and major work dilemmas to bog them – or you – down.
Get Out Of Your Shell – Whether intentional or not, younger men have a way of trying to get their mate out of their comfort levels – and getting out of sweat pants and out of the house.
Learn Through Their Experience – Let’s face it, the younger generation know everything about technology – including social media and the latest apps. After all, it’s the ‘era of sharing’ so what better way to learn the latest tech trends?

Where To Find Your Cub

Obviously, the most effective way to meet younger men these days is through a dating app. There are any number of sites to choose from, but the hands-down favourite for most women is cougarlife.com. Tailored specifically for the mature woman-younger man dynamic, it is the most safe and effective way to hone in on your preferred mate.

However, now that pandemic restrictions have finally been lifted, keep in mind that by simply putting some feelers out that you’re interested in younger men, the results may surprise you.

It may be time to get out of your comfort zone and start checking out some hip clubs or bars that cater to the younger set. Maybe hit the gym more often or begin frequenting your favourite dog parks and walking trails? You never know who you may meet along the way.

Pampering Your Cub

Once you find your potential cub(s), it’s important to keep in mind a few tricks of the trade that will help keep your relationship running smoothly. Here are a few suggestions, compliments of writer Susan Kietzman^[6]:

Don’t Be Insecure About Younger Women – If you find your cub chatting up a younger woman, remember he chose to date you. A lot of younger men want a change from women their own age, often finding them to be somewhat self-absorbed and lacking in both experience and confidence.
Respect Them For Who They Are – Younger men appreciate the fact older women actually listen to them and treat them well. Give him your undivided attention. You should already know what you want from this relationship, so there is no need to have him ‘complete you’ in every aspect of your relationship.
Don’t Let The Age-Gap Define Your Self-Worth – We all are guilty of self-comparisons to other people, particularly as we age. Don’t let society’s unrealistic ideals of youth and beauty define who you are and want to be.
Be Wary of False Friends – We all need friends to share the highs and lows of our lives, but if you find your closest pals are negative or indifferent to your new relationship, explain to them how that makes you feel. Maybe confiding in them is not the healthiest way to discuss your relationship with your young cub.
Avoid Discussions About the Future – Unless you both feel absolutely comfortable with discussing a long-term relationship, try to stay in the present and temper your expectations. This partnership could last a month, a year, or a lifetime. But for the moment, keep it simple and trust your instincts and see how it goes from there.
Let Him Be Himself – Yes he’s younger and sometimes can get goofy. But all men do at times. And all relationships are based on differences, whether it be upbringing, education or social status. It’s not all about the age difference. You’re there because you enjoy who he is as a person.
Focus on the Good – Enjoy all the things that make you attracted to each other. You’re in this relationship because you want to be with him – not just because of his age.

Let’s Get Out There

As long as you are realistic about what you want out of your cougar-cub relationship, there should be no surprises, except those that help you realize the better part of yourself and those people around you care about. It’s time to cast the net wider and start exploring what could be the most significant and exciting relationship of your life. Enjoy, there’s no reason to be lonely!