29 Oct Letting Go Of Your First Love
No matter your age, it can be hard to let go of your first love.
Based on the sheer number of movies, books, and songs written about it, you would think that it was impossible to just get over someone. The truth of the matter is that your first love leaves an impact because this was the first time you felt those rush of endorphins toward another person. But if you’re looking to date seriously, you’re going to want to leave your first love behind.
It’s just not realistic to think that your first love is the best love and the one you should spend the rest of your life with. While there have been rumours circulating that 90% of Americans marry their high-school sweetheart, recent Harris Interactive studies have found that to be false. While the numbers of their 2006 study found that only 14% of people met their current partner in school, that could be anywhere from high school through university—and may not even be their first love.
In fact, a study reported in The Atlantic proves that if you move in with someone at the age of 18—the age you’re most likely to fall in love the first time—there’s a 60% chance you’ll break up.
It sounds silly to some, but there are people who are constantly comparing every potential love interest to the first person that they truly had feelings for, and this is preventing them from fully accepting the person that they’re with as a unique and worthy individual. This is foolish because generally the first love is during a period of time when you don’t have the worries or hardships of adult life thrust upon you, so you have to mark this time in your life by a different scale. Also, the more you revisit those memories of your first love, the more likely you are to idealize them—and it makes it harder to forget why it didn’t work out.
You need to stop comparing your potential partners with your exes.
Whether the comparisons are good or bad, you can’t judge the person you’re with by another persons actions simply because they’re completely different people. It can be a hard thing to stop though, so how do people manage it?
Your current partner, or potential partner, is their own person. They don’t like to hear things that sound like comparisons to other people you may have known. Being in a relationship with you shouldn’t be a competition to outdo (or undo the damage of) your past relationships.
A Plus, the creators of Chicken Soup For The Soul, report that there are three million first dates a day around the world—if you’re freaking them out by talking about or comparing them to your ex, you’ll remain part of that first date crowd for a while.
The easiest thing to do is stop focusing on your past relationships. Your past belongs behind you and you can’t expect good things in your future if you don’t focus on the present. This means don’t talk about your ex, get rid of the gifts that they’ve given you, and the little reminders that you see as a daily part of your life. You can keep a shoebox with some mementos, just keep it hidden in the closet so that you’re not falling asleep looking at a picture of them.
Try breaking out of your routine. If you go to the exact same places with your new cougar or cub then the comparisons are going to come naturally. Break out of your routine and you’re going to find that you’re not only happier in your relationship, but that you’re getting to experience a ton of new things. Explore new hobbies, go to new bars, and embrace activities that you’ve never tried and you’ll not only gain ideas for great date nights, but these experiences will inevitably make you feel more fulfilled in your everyday life.
The next thing to do is to not see your ex on a regular basis. It’s impossible to avoid them completely in some cases, but you want to make sure that you’re not putting your ex before your new relationship. Even if you’re still wonderful friends, you want to make sure that you’re focusing on your new relationship and strengthening its ties. This may require you to take a break from those group outings that everyone is still included in, or to try to create clear boundaries between your ex and yourself. You want to pay as much attention to your new partner and ensure that they understand that they’re your priority.
You’re going to want to try to mix things up in the bedroom. All cubs and cougars perform differently, but if you let yourself get stuck in the same old routine then the comparisons are inevitable. Also consider that variety is the spice of life. If you’re frequently changing things up, you’re both going to be more interested in your sexual relationship for longer.
To give your new relationship a fair chance, you need to treat it like it’s a blank page and not one that you can compare to another relationship. It may sound simple, but we’re habitual creatures and the more that you end up comparing your new relationship to your last one, the more discontent you will tend to be with the new relationship.
So do both yourself and your cougar or cub a favour by letting it go. If you think you’re ready to move on and find a new partner, create a profile on cougarlife.com and start reaching out!