For many cougars, and for many cubs as well, the non-monogamous or open relationship is something that they’ve dreamed of. There are more people than you would ever believe who want to have these kinds of relationships, but they always seem so out of reach. Why? Because society tells us that they are.
The truth is that they’re not as far-fetched as you might think, if you’re willing to put in a lot of work, have clear communication, and develop a common understanding. Clearly state on your Cougar Life profile that you’re looking for an open relationship, or have that heart-to-heart with your partner that you’d like to open your relationship up a little.
Also, not everyone has the right type of personality for a non-monogamous relationship, and may find themselves getting jealous of their free-as-a-bird partner. But if you can find the right kind of people then that’s when the magic happens.
It’s also helpful to remember you’re in good company. A study by the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that one in five Americans have been in a non-monogamous relationship, which they defined as “any relationship in which all partners agree that each may have romantic and/or sexual relationships with other partners.” Many people in open relationships might not advertise it for fear of social reprisal, but more people than you think have a non-monogamous arrangement.
However, if you’re the jealous type or the overly possessive type, then you’ll need to work on those emotions before you start employing the mechanics of an open relationship into real life. Often even the most confident person will have to confront their own insecurities and uncomfortable emotions in the process. They key is to make sure you know that’s about you, not your partner (and who else they are sleeping with).
Sometimes the hardest thing to accept about non-monogamous relationships is what’s the most obvious about them. If you’re going to be in a open relationship, that means that everyone gets the same privileges. Being in a open relationship doesn’t mean that you as a cougar or a cub get to have a harem of willing people who swarm around you and devote all of their attention toward you, while your primary partner is devoted to you and you alone.
It’s a nice dream, but in the end that’s all that it is—a dream.
The reality is that an open relationship requires clear communication and a lot of organization. Clearly discuss how it’s going to work in your relationship. Is it a don’t ask, don’t tell kind of scenario where you understand that it could be happening, but you don’t want to know about it? Or is it the kind of thing that you’re going to rehash with each other because conquests can be kind of exciting? The more people you add into a relationship, the more you’ll need to clearly discuss limits, deal breakers, and etc. While a monogamous relationship can limp on for awhile without any real communication… an open relationship will crash spectacularly if you don’t keep those lines of communication open.
An open relationship comes with a lot of work and understanding, but there are a ton of benefits to them too. The biggest one of these being that you’re going to get a lot more sex. If you’re someone who doesn’t get jealous then you could be in a swinger’s relationship or if the two of you don’t want to swing together, there’s the understanding that you can always have your flings on the side and there will be no jealousy.
It’s so easy for people to fall into patterns, but being in an open relationship helps cougars and cubs alike to keep things fresh. You’re not going to get into a boring routine when you’re sleeping with a bunch of people and every person you meet is a potential fling. You might think that this would kill your relationship, but rather than that, it can infuse it with a new energy. The key to open relationships is that everyone is on the same page. If you’re getting a lot of play time, but your cougar or cub isn’t then they’re going to be jealous and that’s only natural. We could hardly blame them.
There are a few different ways to tackle this, as psychologist Michael Radkowsky told the Huffington Post. It’s not a one-size-fits all solution, so it’s important to see what kind of rules would work for the two of you in your specific relationship, and negotiate from there. His biggest piece of advice: If you want a strong relationship: respect your partner, and respect your relationship.
So test the waters, see if your cougar or cub would be into it and maybe check out some swing parties or sex clubs in your area. You can see if it’s for you and if you’re not sure, then there’s no harm in backing out. We’re all for monogamy if you’re the type of person who wants to be monogamous, but if you’re on the fence about it why not let loose? If you’re still on the hunt for someone who’s a little more sexually adventurous, or willing to be in an open relationship, why not clearly ask for it in your Cougar Life profile?