To message or not to message a cougar online might seem like the eternal question, but if you copy and paste an old message in, you’ve already lost. There are some things which can tip the scales in your favor, such as having a good picture, but it can be so easy to tell which messages are canned and which are original. Believe it or not, cubs, cougars also like being complimented on more than their appearance. So the messages that tend to fare the worst are the ones that say something like “Your *insert body part here* is beautiful and I would love to get to know you.”
Chances are that when the cougar in question put up her pictures she knew exactly what she was highlighting and what she was leaving out. Following this train of logic, if you noticed that the cougar you’re trying to impress has a beautiful face then the other cubs who have contacted her probably have as well. When you’re writing a message to a cougar we’re not saying that you need to be the embodiment of the romantic era poets or blow her mind with your intellect and charm, but at the very least you’re going to want to stand out from the crowd.
There is nothing more boring than a message that says, “Hi, how are you?” Or even worse, just, “Hello.” YAWN! And don’t even think about writing, “Sup?” In fact, researchers Schöndienst and Dang-Xuan poured through 167,276 first messages and found that the messages most likely to receive a response have more prevalence of the word “you” and less of the pronoun “I”.
Many things that would come up in regular conversation as an opener don’t tend to do as well online. Their profile is there and if they’ve taken the time to fill it out, it’s always a good idea to reference it. Someone who took the time to fill out their profile completely isn’t going to be amused if the person they’re talking to only looked at their pictures. Messages that are boring and uninventive tend to not get much in the way of responses, but you can change that simply by spicing up the message a bit.
1) Put in a little about yourself.
They’re on here to meet people, so here’s your best chance to make a good first impression. Don’t give a novel or an essay, but you can put in something about yourself so you can get the conversation started. Maybe you both love animals or scuba diving or maybe you want to know if the person you’re contacting has ever tried bungee jumping. Whatever it is, put a little of yourself into the message.
2) Try to get your spelling right.
We understand that you’re busy, but a message that has horrible grammar isn’t cute in the age of spell-check and auto correct. To type “ur so cute” on a phone nowadays you either have to have added “ur” to your dictionary on your phone or you have to put in way more effort than it’s worth. There really aren’t excuses for getting the basic words wrong. Longer words? Well, it’s simple to Google the words but you’re much more likely to get a pass. In fact, a recent study found that 72% of people are turned off by spelling and grammar blunders.
3) Have your profile filled out and upload a picture.
When someone gets a message, they’re going to read the message before going back to check your profile. They want to get a better idea of who you are and try to figure out if they’re going to want to spend the time and effort that it takes to get to know you. So have a good profile with a picture and you’re going to have a lot more luck.
4) Ask them about themselves.
Evidenced by the research by Schöndienst and Dang-Xuan, first messages that ask a question get more responses. This is the easiest conversation starter, but you can including other interesting points that will make them eager to reply. These conversation starters can come from similar interests that you’ve noticed you share based on both of your (filled out!) profiles.
5) Don’t be rude!
You may be negotiating a no-strings-attached relationship, but the worst thing that you can do is make her feel like an object right out of the gate. If you notice that she’s not reciprocating with the sexy talk, then ask tamer questions. A cougar has heard it all and had to wade through a lot of sex-crazed young studs to find someone that’s actually worthy of her time. Don’t be another waste of time by not even trying to get to know her.
Last thing! We’ve said this before, we’ll say it again, and we’ll probably be saying it 100 years from now. When a website has a part to describe what you’re looking for and you put something requesting that the other members on the site message you to find out, you’re just wasting everyone’s time. A cheeky description or one-liner goes a long way to piquing someone’s interest. Saying, “Just ask” does not.
Try to be yourself and consciously think about the woman or man you’re messaging. If their profile is filled with information about their sexual wants and desires, it may be hard to start a long-term relationship with them. On the flip side, if their profile talks about what they’re looking for in a partner, opening a conversation by asking all of about sex may be a turn off.
In the end, it comes down to compatibility. If the two of you hit it off in the opening conversation it could lead to more. So go out there and start messaging them on cougarlife.com!
Good luck cougars and cubs!